You know when I was sitting in my office almost 10 months ago hating my job I made a decision that I wasn't going to go look for another job right away. I was seriously contemplating if I really wanted to be a surveyor. I was in a rut, and all I could see was mud. I decided I needed time, time to think, time to evaluate, time to change. I looked and saw that starting November 1 I was free from my job and I had everything from November to the end of April all to myself, which is when I saw that Australia was warm in the winter months and that I could get a year working visa for it, and I said "Well looks like I am going to Australia".
That was the start of it. I didn't really tell anyone until my sister announced that she was planning a trip down under. I also announced I was thinking about doing a trip to Aussie as well. I never mentioned my timeline of 6 months though, It wasn't until about 2 weeks later when she wanted to book plane tickets and schedules together that I dropped that bombshell. I asked how long she wanted to go for. Sarina (my sister for those of you who don't know her) replied "5 weeks" which is when I mentioned I was thinking about going down for 6 months. At which she completely flew off the handle for a few minutes as that wasn't quite what she was expecting. She was still cursing in disbelief when I walked out of her apartment 1 hour later. In the end she planned her own trip and even hopped over to New Zealand for a couple of weeks, something I won't be able to claim. At about the same time that my sister was re-laying the news that I was planning on being away from home for Christmas to my parents another significant event struck. During the July long weekend I had the first stage of a falling out with some of my high school friends. 2 weeks later I dropped by their house and they never left their computer games the whole time I was there, which was 3 hours. That in the end was a final straw, I decided to simply cut ties with them, as I had grown to far from their computer filled lives. I wanted to do things beyond my computer screen. I haven't talked to any of them since, in fact I don't even think they know I went to Australia as I never told them. If you are one of my friends back home and you are reading this, don't worry, you never pissed me off like this. With this sudden shortening of several friends from an already short list I could feel my rut deepening, and I felt I desperately needed a change of scenery. I felt that I was alone in my world with only my family as anchor, but I knew that I was holding onto that anchor to tightly. I was relying to much on my parents and I felt that I had created this little comfortable box, and that only I could get out of it. I knew I had to take some drastic measures, I had to get way beyond my comfort zone, out of my box, and I needed to let go of the anchor so that I could drive my own boat. When in a storm, you either anchor yourself down, or you point your bow into the wind and start paddling. I love my parents to death, appreciate them for everything they have done, and I want them to know that they have done nothing wrong for me to say this, as I built this box I put myself in, not them. I came down here to change, to develop as myself, to think in new surroundings, to grow, and to break moulds, my moulds. Which is what I am getting at in this blog, breaking moulds.Talking to people
I used to hate talking to new people. This is an old thing that dates back to grade 5. In grade 5 I moved from Rosebrier (A country school with 10 people in my grade) to Clear Vista (a city school with 60 people in my grade). These were way different schools, and probably the most difficult issue I faced was the class I was put in. I was placed in a special class of only 6 students who were considered by the education board to be "Not fulfilling their potential" as our grades were way lower than what we could achieve. My marks immediately soared, but my social standing collapsed. The new school culture didn't fit me, and most significantly my class was seen by my fellow students as "Near retarded" where we all became instant targets to be teased. I was trying to fight what felt like a whole school worth of bullies, who threw insult after insult, and my new knowledge was useless, and I didn't have the wit to fight them. In the end I tried to ignore them, and was mostly successfull, but after a while even the strongest walls start to chip and crack if enough stones were thrown at them. It was 5 long years in which I was essentially alone except for that small group of friends I made, I never tried to make any others in those years, as I was to used to getting burned every time I reached my hand out to anyone else. I held onto the only thing that never burned me, my family, they were the anchor that never moved. In grade 10 I went to high school, and came into the regular curriculum, I was a normal student in a new school like all the other new grade 10'ers, with one small difference I was still afraid to reach out my hand, I could still feel the cracks in the walls from the stones that had been hurled at it over the last 5 years, I had no confidence. So once again I went through most of high school with the small group of friends who I have just given the boot to. In college I was in a small class of only 27 people and we all got along well enough, but when it was over 2 years later everyone went off to their own corner or the province and that was the end of that. In my job I worked essentially on my own, and didn't need to communicate with many people, which didn't really help much. This is when I decided I had to push myself I needed to go some place where I had to talk to people, where I had to communicate, where I couldn't hide in that part of the box. I came to break this mould, and I think that I have, will I find it again when I get home, who knows.
Confidence
This is something I sorely lacked, and something I cannot claim full freedom of. My confidence has really been low since that grade 5 school change. It is something that I just have a hard time kicking out of my phykee. Some things need more than just a coat of paint, some things need all new foundations, and I will have to admit, they may have been laid, but are not yet completed. A good start, but goal not yet completed.
New Ideas
Like anyone who stays in one box to long, you stop looking at the paint on the walls. Things you never thought about, only assumed, and took for face value, suddenly come to you via a different point of view. The things that look real from your window change when you get up close, they take on new understanding, character and meaning. I have re-thought many things since I got down under, and contemplated things I have never really thought about before. It is amazing how looking at a sculpture from another angle changes your view not just of the sculpture, but of the world on which it revolves. The biggest one lately is that I have completely re-evaluated vegetarianism. 3 months ago I wondered how vegetarianism was even possible, how it was possible to to even live your whole life without eating meat? Or more importantly was it even possible to even eat one good tasting and filling meal without using meat. Then again lightning struck and suddenly I experienced the same thing I thought impossible only months before.
Making new friends
Well as mentioned before with the absence of old friends I came to Australia looking to find people who had interests that reached beyond World Of Warcraft. I can safely say Mould Broken.
Independence
This I think is one of the hardest moulds to break, as I have been holding onto the anchor chain rather hard. I needed to let it go, I needed to walk on my own, to prove that I can do it. Of course one part of independence I have really wanted to achieve is more openness when I am pissed off. I seem to have an odd tendency to let people walk over me, and I think it is time. Unfortunately the first unfortunate victim of this about face was probably Christian. Poor bastard.
Well everyone now you all know the why. This was the thing that I have only told 2 people about, not even my family knew. It has been nearly a month since I wrote this, and the reason why I waited so long to post it was to see if I truly did change or if I have fallen back into my old grove. I don't think that I have, but I will admit that I have kind of changed back to my old self a bit, but there are several parts of me that evolved in Australia that have been holding on strong, I am very proud of those parts of me.
I think this will be the last blog on this website at least for a while. When I go on my next trip I will send out another blast, but that may not be for another couple of months. I may start blogging about my new job over at my other blog, theofficeblog, but since I am incredibly busy, and I am no longer sitting around on my ass twiddling my thumbs I find that blogging is a whole lot harder. Anyway thank you all my loyal readers this is Adam, logging off for the last time, Australia fare well, I will see you again, and to the rest of the world, I am coming, be patient.
Love Adam
